i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
