dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
