Jerry, you need to find god
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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