we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
