I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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