I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
nutella sex= disaster
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
