your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
