I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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