maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
