one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
