I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
