Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
my being single is dangerous.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
It's shark week go big or go home
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
