I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
