i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
