come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Randomize