Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Let's paint friendship bongs
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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