even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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