he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
