Don't you send me to vm
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize