i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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