would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Randomize
