Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
