dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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