she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
