it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
that may or may not have been my penis.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
