We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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