Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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