Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
