Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
