Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
