wanna go halves on a baby?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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