omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
