I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
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