Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
