Well apparently he's into motor boating.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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