i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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