Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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