i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Farmville is her only friend.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
