You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
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