Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
