What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Houston, we have a blender
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize