my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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