So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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