the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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