if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
