I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
