is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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