So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
We're too hungover to prance.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
