I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
