why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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