Only a mothe r could love this liver
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
