Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
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