I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
