Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
