I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
