I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
