This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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