i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
