My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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