I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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